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Basic Red Bathroom Tissue (4 rolls)

Item Purchased: Basic Red Bathroom Tissue (4 rolls)
Location Purchased: Dominick’s / 3145 S. Ashland / Chicago, IL
Price: $1.00 + tax
Purchased on: 03/26/07

Review: The good news is that, despite the name, this bathroom tissue does not actually make your basics turn red after you use it.

The bad news is, it is still a thin ply toilet paper that doesn’t make your basics feel as if they have been pampered either.

All in all, I suppose I can’t complain too much at $0.25 a roll. Correction. I can’t complain at all. Toilet paper coarseness is still one of those first world problems that make you look like an asshole to the developing world if you wail on about it.

Without going into detail, the stuff gets the job done, is a bargain and a half. Basic Red is an in-house Safeway brand item, which means I could probably do better, but considering Safeway’s responses to criticisms in the past, I could also probably do a lot worse. Let’s be honest. Any time we scrape paper across our bottoms and flush it into a sewage system that we probably will never see, we’re probably causing harm and using up resources we don’t necessarily have to. I’m not going to make an Oscar winning movie about that fact, but it is something to think about if you’ve already read all of the magazines in your bathroom. It probably won’t linger long, but I know I have always wondered what the next step is, ever since seeing the movie, as a child. I mean, can anyone tell me what the “three shells” thing was all about?

Rating: 3.5 / 5

3 Responses to “Basic Red Bathroom Tissue (4 rolls)”

  1. Chris Says:

    I have often wondered how many forests could have been saved had Bullock or Schneider taken the time to not be D-bags and actually explained how we wipe our asses in the future. Damn uppity future pigs.

  2. Kotaku - Piss Up a Rope, Lexus [Snotnoses] | Nintendo ds Says:

    [...] under: Nintendo DS  At a time when my generation is un- or underemployed and wiping with Basic Red asspaper, Lexus decides the annual reminder we can’t give cars for Christmas isn’t enough. So it [...]

  3. Desi Quintans Says:

    The three seashells is something my dad encountered in his time in Saudi Arabia (or so he says). They vary in size and shape, from broad to thin, and are used to scrape up, though he made no mention of using two like mitts and grabbing poo (as some sites would have you believe).

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