Three Chili Chicken on Cuban Roll
Item Purchased: Three Chili Chicken on Cuban Roll
Location Purchased: 7-Eleven / 1350 S. Halsted / Chicago, IL
Price: $3.69 + tax
Review: Convenience food lesson #1: If you microwave it and it doesn’t emit an odor, run in the opposite direction.
I wish I would have followed this rule when I bought this sandwich today. I always like to try the new sandwich creations at 7-Eleven, and usually they come up with something I can tolerate. Not this time! The appeal, for me, was the promise of three chilies and smoked pulled chicken. Like I said though, when I nuked this poor substitute for a sloppy joe… nothing. When I took the sandwich from the microwave, I waved it underneath my nose as if it were smelling salt. Still nothing. Fer Chrissakes! You would think that with three chilies inside of this mess and a Cuban roll with all sorts of spices and onion-like parts that there would be at least a faint smell of stinky. Nope. Nothing! NOTHING! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I KNOW THAT CONVENIENCE FOOD IS THE NUTRITIONAL EQUIVALENT OF STYROFOAM, BUT AT LEAST TEASE ME!!! LIE TO TWO OF MY FIVE SENSES!
I’m okay… I’m okay…
Seeing that scent is supposed to be a major factor in how something tastes, I expected the mush-on-a-bun to just be a filling substance to get me through the day and give me the minimal amount of energy it takes to slug my way to 10:00 PM. Wrong again. Even worse. The “chicken” tasted like brown and the bun tasted like gray. I don’t have synesthesia, I just don’t know how else to describe the drab heavy taste. This chicken was the kind of chicken that makes you remember all of those videos that the crazy PETA people show outside of concerts and shopping malls. I’m pretty sure I ate a part of a chicken who is still hooked up to a life support system in some lab and is the victim of growth hormones that help it to grow back the pale green flesh the butchers take for their lunch “meat.” The so-called peppers and salsa reminded me of mushrooms (I hate mushrooms!), and the so-called cheddar cheese tasted like nothing more than American Cheese with a darker food dye in it.
Instead of having the energy to get through my work day, I was left with just enough energy to massage my queasy stomach and fight off the bloated feeling this sandwich gave me.
Something tells me that I will be making some food tonight so I can bring my lunch to work tomorrow.
Rating: 0.15 / 5
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